Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
