I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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