I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
