If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
