Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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