have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
