The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
