the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
