I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
