so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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