I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
