I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
