my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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