the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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