when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
