What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
