just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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