how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
