There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
