Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
