I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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