I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
