I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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