Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
