I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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