his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize