five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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