It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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