Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
