I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
