so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
