all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
