Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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