Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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