i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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