My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
