I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
