oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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