she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
