Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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