Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
