i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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