I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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