Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
