grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
