oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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