Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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