3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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