Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
