"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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