also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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