What a fucking waste of an outfit
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
