broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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