We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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