nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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