Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
