it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
