Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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