Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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