now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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