You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love having hate sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
