I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please don't give away my fajitas
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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