Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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