Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
