I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
