I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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