i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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