I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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