So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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