he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
