had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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