the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
