How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
